When I said, "yep, positive" at the end of chapter 4.5 - I was referring to yep, I was positively without a doubt going to have to pray and pray even harder - because I was also positively pregnant again. This time it wasn't me as a defiant 18 year old who did not know to not take antibiotics without a backup plan.
I was now a 21 year old that made a craptacular decision - after months of no intimacy with my husband, one night was all it took. (sorry for that detail, even writing that makes me feel incredibly vulgar, hah). But it's important to make this fact known, as it plays an even bigger part in the overall story.
When I told my husband that we were going to be parents yet again - the reaction was the total opposite of excitement. It was not good timing. Our marriage had been on the decline for months, and this gift from God was not at all expected. There was something in chris that kind of just checked out at that point.
As I said before, I was working in ministry at this point in human resources. I remember just thinking to myself, almost hoping that God would somehow just use this to bring us together, and if that was not His will to just make it evident and give me the tools I needed to be okay.
The next few months just kind of blurred together. Until one day, I was sitting in a women's bible study, a few months pregnant and I heard God say something completely out of left field and by heard, let me be specific - YES, I actually heard a voice, a strong steady voice say - "You need to learn what true forgiveness is, it's time for you to forgive yourself". I wished that would have been the end of the voice, but then the sentence completed - "and you also need to forgive your dad."
Really, God??? Really?