Monday, January 17, 2011

Chapter 6 or so... "Words that start with the letter 'D'"

Chapter 6 or so:  words that start with the letter "D"

First word - DECISIONS...  As I sat in bible study - leading the study it was a week that we talked about forgiveness.  I as a leader was supposed to talk about how we forgive one another... Just as God forgave us - the ultimate sacrifice.

But wait.  A light bulb went off - I totally understand God's forgiveness and grace, and I knew what it meant to forgive people for everyday things...

And yet I didn't understand how to forgive myself... Even bigger -- how was I ever going to forgive my dad?  Or my husband???  Or myself?????

I felt like a fake.  I talked the talk - and I quasi walked the walk.  How on earth could I be leading a church group when I was unwilling to grasp the very concept I expected from others?  The very concept that my entire faith was based on.  I had to take a hard look within.  

And what was this voice that I had heard?  Was it God?  Pregnancy hormones?  My imagination?  

I knew deep down what it was... God has made Himself abundantly clear many times in my life... And this was one of those times - there was no escaping the prompt He was putting on me.  It was a call for obedience.  In one of the most broken times of my life, He was wanting every part of me - not just the parts I wanted to give.

"Okay, God, I'm listening.  What's your plan?" 

And if I had known then the storm that I was about to walk into, I don't think I would have had the courage.  But the storm was worth the sunrise... 

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