I don't know if I am ready to write this chapter, :-). Every time I start to, its hard for me to articulate what I need to...
So, I think I'll make it a mini-post.
I first met Chris when I was 18. We had a mutual friend set us up. I wasn't looking for a relationship, I was looking for identity of my own. I wasn't looking for a distraction, but we instantly connected. He was a tough guy, a boxer, scrappy, and the "protector" type. I noticed he also was raised by his mom and grew up fatherless. Our stories of dad were almost identical. Someone who finally got it. Someone who allowed me to feel, who listened, and who wanted to take care of me.
I really thought I had met my match - ignoring all logic, blindly I leapt into another relationship...
The first few months of our relationship I began changing, I began losing my friends and my new friends consisted of his friends only. My hobbies became his hobbies. My style became his style. I subconsciously changed myself because being like him was giving me a new sense of validation unlike I had ever had before.
Meanwhile, God kept putting people in my life to steer me back, but I didn't want to listen. I wanted to have something of my very own. I made some very poor choices that ended up affecting my life in a very big way.
2 months into that relationship, I had a bad ear infection and was taking antibiotics... A few weeks later I started feeling very sick... It couldn't be what I thought. I was a smart girl.