Chapter 9:: (day two)
And just as the saying goes "time stops for no one" such was day two...
(and if this blog seems confusing then please reference it to a few posts down on chapter 8 - as these are chapters of my past that I feel led to write down).
The weeks following brought many mixed emotions: loneliness, depression, then excitement and independence, then bitterness, then apathy, then glimmers of hope, deep surrendering, and finally some healing.
Those first few weeks I felt as though I was just merely striving to survive. The first time I went to counseling I felt like an idiot. I had been to counseling for years trying to work on our marriage --- just to go back in front of yet another counselor so I could admit how greatly I had failed. Yet something in me said - you have to talk to someone, it's not only good for you - it's biblical.
So, I went reluctantly - halfway expecting to feel worse about myself after leaving... But i didn't. It was great. After meeting with this wonderful woman, I felt well...
I was okay. I was grieving. I was going to overcome this mess. I had been hurt but I wasn't a victim. I had a lot of ugliness in me that needed healing also. So, this marked the beginning stages of self-improvement.
And with self-improvement came forgiveness of myself and of others. Life was looking up