Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Chapter 9:: (day two)

Chapter 9:: (day two)

And just as the saying goes "time stops for no one" such was day two...

(and if this blog seems confusing then please reference it to a few posts down on chapter 8 - as these are chapters of my past that I feel led to write down).

The weeks following brought many mixed emotions:  loneliness, depression, then excitement and independence, then bitterness, then apathy, then glimmers of hope, deep surrendering, and finally some healing.

Those first few weeks I felt as though I was just merely striving to survive.  The first time I went to counseling I felt like an idiot.  I had been to counseling for years trying to work on our marriage --- just to go back in front of yet another counselor so I could admit how greatly I had failed.  Yet something in me said - you have to talk to someone, it's not only good for you - it's biblical. 

So, I went reluctantly - halfway expecting to feel worse about myself after leaving... But i didn't.  It was great.  After meeting with this wonderful woman, I felt well...

normal

I was okay.  I was grieving.  I was going to overcome this mess.  I had been hurt but I wasn't a victim.  I had a lot of ugliness in me that needed healing also.  So, this marked the beginning stages of self-improvement.

And with self-improvement came forgiveness of myself and of others. Life was looking up

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