Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A twenty-five year search: for one year with dad [part one]

A twenty-five year search: for one year with dad [part one]

If you follow my blog you know that one year ago I started a relationship with my biological dad.  You also know that growing up without a dad messed me up more than words can type... :). And yet I am stronger for it.

And although I am now a grown woman who has a tiny bit of life figured out and am deeply anchored in my belief in an eternal dad, I had to take a moment to pause and reflect as to what one year of having an earthly father has felt like...  

In hopes, that if you are reading this you can truly see how a dad's impact can affect their child.  In hopes, that men who may stumble upon this can TRULY understand the need of being present.  And women who may read this can understand that we deserve to pick men of valor to be our husbands and our children's dads.

A year ago, I was 24.  I was graduating college with my bachelors.  I had two children under the age of 5.  I had been married and divorced for two years, and had just gotten remarried to a great man.  I worked about 50-60 hours a week.  I loved what I did.  I had an eternal purpose for my earthly walk.

A few weeks before graduation God had prompted me to write to my dad again.  The same dad who I met at age 14 and who inconsistently popped in and out of my life throughout high school never offering more of himself than an occasional dinner out and a necklace for my 16th birthday.

At 18, he was out of my life again and my heart had hardened.  At 18, I also attended college to later drop out because I got pregnant and entered into an unhealthy marriage... At 19, I was a dang good mother, and had a renewed sense of purpose and relationship with my Savior.

At 21, I was pregnant with my second child.  And God put on my heart to forgive my dad.  In obedience (and obedience alone), I did.  I wrote to him and told him I forgave him and offered him the chance to restart a relationship with me and meet his grandkids... He never responded... And yet I was incredibly okay and at peace with that - feeling the weight of the world lifted... Bitterness was gone, and I was moving forward.

At 24, I sat in church on a Saturday night.  And God as clearly as could be prompted me to "write your dad" and I as clearly as could be resisted.  There was no business left to finish and yet as the days went by and the prompting increased I realized if I don't listen to what God is calling me to do right now - I am choosing to walk in defiance and disobedience to Him...

And I couldn't live with that... So I wrote him.

While sitting in my graduation ceremony, I receive a text from him.  And that day was the first day of one year with dad.  And we have spoke every day since.   More to come.

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