Sunday, September 4, 2011

sucker punch

The past few days have been rough for me... I haven't felt well, and there have been a number of things that just have been off with other areas in my life. 

Friendships that have become rocky, when they shouldn't be, and other relationships that I wish would go away altogether but I am stuck with for the next several years are even more on the decline than normal...which is something I pray will be easy but hardly ever is.  That one is probably easy to figure out without going into detail. 

Bottom line, today was a sucker punch, and my initial reaction was to fight back, to defend myself, to further explain, to scream, to make them understand...  But, God said, "no".

And every time I wanted to send a text or call or post on Facebook or stand up for myself, God said, "no".

And now I sit, crying... because even with a life full of blessings and happiness, my past life of failures still connects to present through my two beautiful babies who are my greatest blessing, and my job is always to protect and care for them regardless of how it makes me look, or how it comes across, and I don't have to defend that part of myself - even when I feel I need to or want to.

I know this blog is vague, but I just needed to write. 

Now, I will put on my smiley face, start a kid movie, and pop some damn popcorn...

Tomorrow is another day, :)

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