I have mentally written about thirty blog posts between now and the last posted here, yet every time I go to write one down God has pulled me in another direction.
Maybe that is because He knew those words needed to stay between He and I, or maybe because He realized the value in writing them would become cheaper if they were typed for the world to see.
Today, I felt Him say, it is time.
Sit down. Type what I tell you, and don't look back, so here I am, typing and trusting.
If we are friends on Facebook, you have probably kept up with some of the many fun happenings in my family - both crazy and routine. You have read how my kids are still as silly as ever, my husband continues to serve me way more than I deserve, and how our teen is growing into a young woman that has to make difficult decisions on her future plans. You have read how I get tired easily being pregnant, and how I am addicted to sweet tea currently. You have read about my adventures at my new job, struggles with the kids' biological father, about my annoyances and joys... Well, some of them.
What haven't I shared? A lot.
The one word that keeps coming to mind is "plucking". Sounds a little gross, doesn't it?
One thing that seems to be a recurring theme in my life that last 365 days is how God continues to "pluck" people and things out of my life. People and things I do not want plucked, that I feel very hurt each time they are. Yet, now I am starting to see the thread of each......
Several months ago, God took away one of my best friends through a weird "argument" although it was not really an argument at all. Nonchalantly, He decided we were not good for each other as friends anymore. It was a really weird transition to go from having a best friend one day to not the next. I still don't have closure with that friendship ending, but I know God keeps telling me "not to have closure for some reason". Isn't it weird when you lose a friend or relationship, how you tend to go back and rethink through everything that led up, wondering am I in the wrong? And you know deep down you aren't, but you can't help but think maybe if you would have said this, or would not have said that, that they would still be a part of your life somehow....
Before that friendship ended, God took me out of a job that I held too tightly to. He just plucked me right out of it, and into an even more uncomfortable place that He knew was just for a season and then dropped me in a place that felt new and at home. His timing is always right even when we don't see it at the time.
Just a couple months ago, I experienced another "plucking" of sorts when the girl I was mentoring no longer wanted me in her life. I was left devastated, again... What had I done wrong?
The last few weeks God has put reasoning behind the many "plucks" I have had.
"I am not plucking them from you. I am plucking you from them because I need to take away the things you put before Me."
Sometimes God has to make things painfully obivious for me to keep my eyes on Him. In prayer, it was as if I heard Him tell me recently. I am going to bring you to your knees, or until your face hits the ground and you realize that you need Me before you need any other person.
Living in brokenness is exactly where He wants me because then I give my independence up, and I become entirely dependent on Him. So, the past few months I have really been clinging to Him and His promises.
Am I saying He does not want me to have friends?! NO!!! In fact, He continues to bless me with some of the best friends a girl could ask for... BUT what He is saying to me, is that when I allow a friendship, a circumstance, a job, or a possession in higher regard or value over Him, I am not where I need to be. And He will pluck me away from it as soon as I ask for His help... And He has.
I hope whoever reads this post that it resonates with them. It was not a pre-planned or well-thought out blog, instead it was just an outpour that Christ called me to sit and write.